I seldom add up photos of myself anywhere, mostly because I spend my time behind the camera. But during my two week stay in Norway I went out for a shoot in this amazing winter landscape and my model wanted to take a photo of me standing there. So here’s me all snuggly and warm in my clothes. Though I must say that it’s really nice to be back in London again, I seem to quickly miss this place. Over the next few days I will probably try to retouch a lot, I have so many photos just waiting for me. I will work some more on my project, got an interview I have to answer and send in return, have to look for a nice dress to a wedding and the list goes on and on. But hopefully there will be more updates here.
It is with a sleepy face and tried gaze I can look at the clock and say that it’s 3:53 in the night as I start writing this. But sometimes intruding thoughts don’t leave your mind until you do something about them.
As many know I’m working on a project focused on body image, a project where people share everything so much of themselves both in the way I’m allowed to portrait their nude bodies and in their texts. Each single person who dares take the step out and join in I have a huge amount of respect for, this is not an easy thing to do. Their putting their trust in me to do my job well, to portrait them right and to allow them to look at the portrait afterwards and be happy with the body they say there no glance away in shame.
Personally I think I would be terrified of doing something like this, just the very thought of it makes me heart race and my insecurities pushes themselves to the surface. Thoughts like “not good enough”, “not thin enough”, not pretty enough” are probably the first three on a long list. And as many other girls I have been down the road of both diet and training, and I have been slightly thinner then I am now but a good friend gave me the most honest comment she could have given, it went something like “you have gotten skinny, your spine is more visible then before, I don’t like it.” My whole little world tumbled a little, for some reason those words stung. I was slowly becoming something I didn’t want to be.
Please don’t think I see something wrong with people being on the thin side, it’s just that it isn’t my side. I love the days when I can wake up and look in the mirror and give myself a little approving nod while telling myself that I don’t look that bad, sure I have a little bump on my tummy but my weight is pinpoint on my average for my height, not too thin not too fat just completely normal.
I think I wanted to share this because I feel that I have left a lot of personal thoughts out from my project then I can honestly say I think about it all the time, I feel almost obsessed about making others also see the beauty they have because I can see it so clearly. I want to remove those insecurities, want them to be happy exactly the way they are and perhaps most of all I want a lot of people to change. I want the people of our fashion industry to take a step back and look at the ideal woman they have created, is she really that ideal?
My project has gotten quite positive feedback and my heart swells with happiness each time I get a nice comment either through the blog or other forums, or verbally from a friend. And I hope that some of my models can go to bed at night with a smile on their face and the confidence in the sky knowing that several people told them that they were perfect exactly the way they are. And I… I go to bed at night and smile because I’m so happy I could make someone else feel like that.
Body Image is a project where I go home to people, either friends or strangers, and they undress as much as they’re comfortable with and expose what they want of both themselves and their home. And once the photograph is taken my models write a text about their own body image.
This project for me is honest and real, it is without any photoshopping, it’s just me portraying real people just the way they are. I hope people will take the time to read the text the model has provided and that this project will affect someone out there.
“I have an hourglass figure and that’s makes it hard to dress since that is not the look the stores wants. To go in to a store and try everything they have on only to maybe if I’m lucky find one thing, does not help me to look at my body and be proud.
Before I got my curves I used to have no problems finding clothes and was more comfortable with my body. I love my body don’t get me wrong I just want the same as every other girl does and that is not to be invisible.
I have my small issues that I would like to fix but what I most want is to love my body the way it is. To be proud of having a body as a real woman is supposed to have. And not feel like many other teenage girls where everything around you seems to be screaming “you’re not pretty enough!” “You’re not thin enough!
I am short at just over 5 feet. My legs are quite stumpy and my thighs are plump and round; they jiggle when I walk and rub together where they meet at my groin. I have the little pouch at the end of my tummy and love handles that shake. That makes it hard wearing tight fitting clothes, But then again I have big perky breasts and arm muscles as a man that I just love.
I sometimes have my days where I wish this was different or that was different. Wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t get pimples? Or if I were taller I’d be able to reach those cookies on the top shelf. And these jeans would fit much better if I didn’t have this pot belly. But I’ve learned to keep such thoughts as they should be—fleeting. I can see them for what they are to me now, as a grownup—a fantasy. Like wishing for my body to be different is a momentary emotion and I appreciated how unrealistic it is. Most importantly though, I’ve learned to focus on the things I love about my body—I love my round tooshie, my womanly hips and perky breast, because these things are beautiful to me, even if they’re not supposed to be.
I think it’s better to indulge in the life I do have, we only live once right? Why would I want to add completely unnecessary stress to a life that really is perfect? Hating my body has, after only 25 years, become somewhat of an inconvenience that I would like to shove bake in to the closet and never take out again.
Because when it comes to my life, the people I want in it aren’t going to want to be in my life because of the way I look naked (and if they do, kudos to them, because all my “weird” bits are actually really sexy).”
Body Image is a project where I go home to people, either friends or strangers, and they undress as much as they’re comfortable with and expose what they want of both themselves and their home. And once the photograph is taken my models write a text about their own body image.
This project for me is honest and real, it is without any photoshopping, it’s just me portraying real people just the way they are. I hope people will take the time to read the text the model has provided and that this project will affect someone out there.
“Talking about my own body is hard. My mental self is so depended on the condition of my body, and that makes it so personal to talk about. I never know what to feel about my body, because my relationship to it changes from day to day. How I feel is depending on my mood, what I am doing, how loge sins my last workout, who I am with and the surroundings.For me to be naked in front of others or even show some bare skin I need to trust that person. I know all the right things. I know that I have to be proud of my self, that I have to take care of myself, that what you do is more important then what you look like. I’ve been thought to be strong, hardworking and independent. Despite knowing all the right things society has a way of getting to you, and no knowledge can protect you form that.My teen years feel like a long time ago and a lot have changed sins then, but some things cling to you like a monkey on your shoulder. Some things change you for life. My years in junior high was some of my best and worst days in my life. I was doing good in school, but I did not feel that that was enough to be approved. I wanted to change me. Change my life. I’ve started to work out. I dropped all candy, snacks, cakes and tried to avoid other food with sugar and fat. After a year I felt better then I ever had. I was skinny, sporty and my self-esteem had become a lot better. I still did well in school and had made a lot of new friends. It felt like I finally was on the same level as the others. Back then I did not realise that something was wrong, but looking back make me scared. Had it not been for al the great fiends I made, It would ended a lot worse. I was on the edge of getting an eating disorder. Healthy food and exercise become more important then being with friends and having fun. I started to feel bad about eating candy, and sometimes also food. It almost controlled my life. It still do in some ways. My hardworking attitude and the desire to be best affect every part of my life, also when it comes to my body. In society skinny people are successful. That was what society made a 14 year old girl think. That is something that changes you for life.”
One of the many things I like about London is that whenever you visit new areas you always discover new treasures. Every corner and street seemed to either that what perfect little cafe, or a a second-hand shop with clothes you didn’t know still existed or if you’re lucky enough to stumble upon a little market. I was out on a little walk in Dalston Junction to visit a friend, help her out a little with her project, and since I have never been in the area before it was so many new things to discover like a little fruit market and a huge second-hand store called Beyond Retro. On my way back home I couldn’t help but buy three small baskets of blueberries as the price was so low and they looked so delicious. Looking forward to making a good oatmeal with lots of blueberries in for breakfast tomorrow.
Even our pets deserves to be treated well and Harrods Pet Kingdom shows you just how much you can spoil them with their own Pet Head shampoo & conditioner series for all kinds of fur, or why not just buy a pupcake or two?
- Update my blog more often, both with long posts and short posts. And finish the design on my blog.
- Go jogging at least three times a week.
- Explore London more.
- Attend a lot of concerts.
- Start looking for a job so I never have to leave this wonderful city.
- Take more portraits, do more shoots, get better at retouching and overall take a lot more photos.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and look forward to the new year, this blog will be improved!
♥ Wake up to warm sunlight in my room.
♥ Running barefooted downstairs on the cold floor, make a cup of tea and run up again to curl up under the warm covers.
♥ Calm, beautiful, old Christmas music to get me in the Christmas mood.
♥ Knowing that it’s only a few more days before I’m back home in Norway and that I can see my family and friends again.
♥ Feeling creative and doodling down ideas I would like to shoot when I come back to London.
♥ Missing warm hugs and cuddles only to remember the times when I had them and smile.
♥ Knowing that I got a full wonderful day ahead.
